Ch-ch-changes 2020 > 2021

As most everyone has noted, 2020 has been quite a year! 

Most of my friends & family know I lost quite a few people in the last year. My brother in Sept. 2018, my aunt that November, my cat in February 2019, my mom in April just after her 90th birthday. A drunk driver killed a student from our school, a running buddy took a nap and never woke up, two former staff members from school passed. It was just a lot in a short amount of time. To say the beginning of the 2019 school year was not the best for me would be an understatement. Looking back now, I probably should have made more effort to seek grief counseling, but something always seemed more important. 

I don’t remember much about the start of the school year; it was pretty standard. I was not handling things as well as I thought I was; I was easily frustrated but tried to stay professional. I was stunned when my evaluation did not go well at all, but I tried not to let it get to me - just a lousy time, new administrator, next time I’ll do better. 

January 2020 came with a bang. At work, they started giving me classes, but not MY classes. I was kind of a co-teacher with no ‘responsibility,’ but the administration expected me to help the TA’s learn the office suite products. It was very confusing and aggravating. I even called in the union, but not much changed. I sank deeper into depression; I felt I couldn’t win, nothing would change, and I was very stuck. I started to look into retirement. Then the COVID pandemic struck. Before spring break, we all speculated if we would even be coming back from the break, which we did not, but we did start distributing every computer we had to students for remote learning. While working with one of the students, there was a small misunderstanding for which I got blamed and promptly dismissed from work. It was awful; I had had enough, and I was so angry! I could not believe it was happening. I was waiting to see if the principal would report the incident to the office of professional standards. I wanted OPS to know how we handled the incident. But it didn’t happen. 

I immediately started filling out the paperwork for retirement. I became obsessed with house hunting near our niece in north Georgia. I did not talk to Gil much about my decisions, just focused on my exit. 

When our church had to go online, we worked frantically to make that happen. There is a big learning curve to live streaming for the first time with everyone else. Everything that went with that created stress for Gil. He was weary of my recent house hunting online, so he sent me to visit Shannon and take a look around. We had stayed with her for thanksgiving in 2019 and liked the town of Ellijay. I had become obsessed with aging and death and kept preparing for us to get old and being cared for. Working with our financial advisor, with my mom’s passing and inheritance and all, we could retire, sell our house, buy a new one, and move. We would still need to work, but hopefully, we could go part-time or work at something fun. So when Gil sent me to visit and look at houses, hoping I would kind of freak out at the prospect, I ended up buying a place in the North Georgia mountains - the town of Ellijay. 

I’ve been calling it a ‘suicide move.’ I had a hard time seeing any way out of my situation. Yes, pretty much, all I could see was my situation. We had planned to do this in a few years; to see how his parents would fair over the next few years; get to at least 20 years at Seminole or longer. But at this point, I needed to leave; I needed out; I needed change, and I dragged Gil with me. It’s better than the alternative - I am glad to say I am still here - but I am sorry if I caused any pain or undue stress to my husband, co-workers, family, and friends. We do miss you all terribly; we miss Florida; we do not miss the traffic!

Shortly after we moved, mom Sterling took a turn for the worse and passed. I have started working as a substitute teacher in the school system here (3 elementary schools, one middle, one high!). And now, as we enter 2021, we find our move is a mixed blessing as our niece is experiencing upheaval in her family. I guess stress is unavoidable. 

That’s all I’ve got for now. Hopefully, I’ll get back to journaling and working on my life’s story, not that it’s all that interesting - I look at my parents’ lives and am amazed at the things they did.  Then I look at my own life and shrug. 

Well, Happy New Year 2021. 🙏💞

New teeth

Back in Sept. 2009 Gil had his wisdom teeth removed along with several other teeth that had been damaged from radiation & chemo. At the time he had to undergo several hyperbaric treatments. As the years have gone on, his transplant in 2013, his teeth continued to weaken and break. My mom had accidentally damaged his front tooth when he tried to help her up out of her seat only to get head-butted, and another time she caught him in the mouth with her cane breaking another tooth. This past Christmas, while at the movies, he broke more teeth while eating a burger. That was it. It was time to get this fixed.

So we made an appointment with our dentist, and got the low down on how things would proceed. He recommended an oral surgeon. Told us how they would make a mold of his teeth to make the dentures and after surgery, removing all remaining teeth and roots, he would basically already have teeth. Sounded pretty good. We opted for posts on the bottom so the bottom denture would be a sort of implant, and stay in place. Sure, go in, teeth come out, new ones in, no problem, right?

Met with the oral surgeon; We were very happy to find out he would not have to have hyperbaric treatments, a very real worry because of how much time it takes. And the plan started to play out. 
Made the appointment for the dentist and had the molds made. The dentures would be ready in about a week, so made the appointment for surgery. That ended up being quite the day! 
I actually do not know how many teeth they took out, but he did come out with teeth, sort of. He was very sore that first day (not surprising), kept the teeth in as best he could those first 24 hours then to the dentist the next day for adjustments. Seems there will be a lot of adjustments before everything is settled in. Swelling has gone down now, but we are learning a lot as we go.

It’s funny to think that everything we know about dentures we lean vicariously through others. My aunt had them and I know how she cleaned them and how strange she looked without them, We’ve known people who had partials, but never really thought much about them. We know they take adhesive to stay in place, according to the commercials, and that things can get under them and irritate. But do you think about how much you FEEL your teeth? Think about it - rub your tongue against them, chomp them together...can you feel that? Remember those vampire teeth you may have tried on as a kid and how weird they feel? (Or don’t feel?). That’s one of the things that was a little unexpected - he couldn’t quite figure out how or where to put a straw in his mouth. Spatial orientation is a little off due to lack of feeling in his teeth - cause they aren’t really his. We suppose after things get into place and fitting better, he’ll adjust. I guess you just get used to them after a while. It will be interesting to see how this continues to work out. 

(By the way, my mom passed in April 2019)  

Knowing your Heart

Over the last couple of years, my doctor has been concerned about my low heart rate. Well, I run, of course, so what's the big deal? Yes, I'm no seasoned athlete; not at elite runner, is that a problem?
I wore a Holter monitor a couple of years ago. Nothing really came of it. This year I did a an echocardiogram - that was interesting seeing my heart on a computer screen, the valves and ventricles looking like some kind of seaweed plant! Results: mitral regurgitation. What?
I have some leaky valves. Not terribly uncommon, but it does mean I now have a cardiologist. According to Dr. Kovoch, it is very minor and nothing to worry about at this time. It's probably something I was born with (yay genetics) and thickening of the valve tissue is common as we age. He even asked if I did Orange Threory because he knew of a lot of runners who are hooked on it - I guess that is a recommendation? He does want to know if I have frequent problems with being light headed, dizzy, passing out and fatigue; then we might have a problem. Other than that, an echo & follow-up with him in about a year. So I'm good to go.
I will probably take things a bit easier on my runs - stick with 'five and dimes' in my races - and continue to be obsessed with my heart rate. Getting older kinda sucks, but we don't have to give in to it - right?

Summer

Oh the lost post ... (My 2nd attempt at this posting)

I was reflecting on the end of summer (yes, barely into July and I'm thinking about the end). A time when teachers get a little time off. No more getting up at super early hours (at least for high school teachers). Time to catch up on record keeping, house work, projects and, yes, family and some summer shenanigans. Sometimes the vacations and summer fun can lead us to forget until one day we way up think "oh crap, summers almost over and I haven't done anything!" And next thing we know we are going to training sessions, sitting though endless meetings, and trying to get our rooms ready for students and much of our housework falls into disarray again. 

With this year being a short summer in Florida as we transition back to an "August to May" school year, I'm sure there will be a lot of mixed emotions to the start of this year. Still the excitement of new students and starting a fresh new year, but also the bewilderment of where the summer went and what does this new year hold (good and bad).

Well, Happy New School Year!! 😳

Running @ 50 and parents!

Trying to figure a title, but in the meantime, let's start with observations on turning 50:
I took up running when I was 36 and getting fat - wasn't obese, but headed that direction. So between weight watchers & running, I lost 25 lbs in about nine months. The following year we lost our dog of 14 years, and my husband was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. After seeing him through that, I joined Team in Training and starting training for my first 1/2 marathon. I started to enjoy running, and suddenly I was in the best shape of my life in my 40's! My 40's!!!

At 42 I ran my first full marathon, then a cancer scare took 1/2 my thyroid. At 45 I did my first sprint triathlon. I noticed I was getting injured more often, felt like I was always trying to make a comeback. In 2013 Gil was diagnosed with a second occurrence of Hodgkin's. I wasn't with Team in Training anymore, but RunVie and my church became huge sources of support as we prepared for a stem cell transplant. Just as I was starting to come back from that, in 2015 my father died, throwing us into planning a memorial service, a trip to New York for burial, and taking care of my mom. I dropped off of my training ... But such is life.

Now here I am, 50, and rockin' the look!  At a recent triathlon, when I told the girl doing body marking I was 50, she was shocked. "What? I would have thought 30 or something!"
I wish I were more interested in getting up earlier with the speedy people during the summer when not working (and not already getting up at 5 am), but I really like sleeping. I'm not as fast as I used to be and may not be training as I should, but for now, I am ok with that (or trying to be).

Parenting the parent
We are preparing for mom to move up to Largo to live closer to us which means being more flexible with training. At 87 years old she is doing pretty good. She stopped driving about a year ago, had a back injury and went through surgeries for bladder cancer, so she needs a little help occasionally. We thought it would be good for her to be close by when she needs us, and she agreed. It's a little weird when we get to this age, parenting the parent. Gil is helping take care of his parents too, so we are both helping with bank accounts, appointments, housekeeping, caretaking, and just keeping them company when loneliness sets in. Gil has his sisters helping out, and he will be helping me with mom.
I know she did a lot to take care of her parents in their golden years, so I guess I am following her lead. Besides, they took care of us when we were little; it is our turn to take care of them, right?

I try to accept the stresses in my life. Where some may turn to alcohol or other diversions,  I tend to turn to sugar...and running or exercise (biking & swimming too). It's a balance, I guess. Running continues to be my time away from the craziness of it all. Training gives me a schedule, a plan, a goal to hit but sometimes, ya' just gotta keep it simple and take your time.

23 days

With New Year's resolutions all the rage, I decided to take our coaches 23 day Advocare Challenge. Yes, basically a diet. Now I know a lot of people look at me and say "You don't need to diet, your fine!" or they tell me I'm skinny or what-not. But to me it wasn't that kind of diet, really. It was more about changing how I eat rather than losing weight; more about how some foods may affect me, such as gluten or dairy, and some of my minor health issues. So, for the first 10 days it was a 'cleanse', then the rest of the challenge was, well, modifying my eating habits.

Day 1 was horrible. It was a Monday that involved some testing at work (school) so I had a lot of set-up to do that morning and knew I was going to be there late that evening with a community SAC meeting. Going without coffee was going to be HARD! I was so worried about all the timing of the supplements and shakes and fiber and....AAaahaah! I didn't bring enough food so I was very tired, irritated, and hungry. When the evening meeting came, and they had quite the food spread. I was determined to hang tight, but it was difficult. After that first day, though, I was told not to stress too much about timing of supplements, and the rest kind of came easy.

So, things I have learned:

Sunday's made for great prep-days. I made a good chunk of the weeks lunches out of stir-fries, rice & beans, soups or salads - all homemade of course. No bread, no cheese, no sugar or salt was difficult, but easier than I thought it would be.

You can go without coffee. It may take a day or so, and Advocare Spark helps a lot! It's also good for a mid-day pick-me-up that won't keep you awake at night. 

I missed foods more than I craved them. Bread makes sandwiches easier, which really means I just didn't have sandwiches. Seeing a kid eating a chocolate muffin (EVERY MORNING) really made me want a muffin! And it's funny to realize how much of our food is gluten based - especially convenience foods like cookies, cereals, breakfast bars. And I really missed our Friday night pizza that Gil makes on the grill. Toward the end (last week) I did find I was craving something - I think sugar - figs & dates helped. But seeing ads for pizza, pastas, sweets of all kinds... Do you realize how much we are bombarded with food commercials?... that sure didn't help any. Darned that subliminal advertising!

Salt is extremely prevalent in a lot of things. If you cook without it, most foods are very bland. To get beans, chicken broth or tuna without salt is almost impossible, so you have to look for low sodium products instead. Is sea salt any better? I see that in many health foods.

Braggs Liquid Aminos (basically soy sauce) is an amazing seasoning!! 

Figs & dates are like candy. Be careful as many dried fruits have added sugar. Dates are high in sugar naturally, and can make you sick if you eat too many - just like candy.

I was surprised I didn't notice more of a change in my overall health with the change of diet. My body adapted easily without much difference. Nothing really changed with my skin so my psoriasis is not influenced by gluten - I had read it could be a sign of gluten intolerance. I lost about 5lbs - which is all I really needed to lose. So I guess, overall, I must eat pretty healthy on my own. I do feel stronger during workouts. It just seems easier to get through them and sometimes even a little faster!

I recently started working coffee back into my routine. The last few nights I have had some fruit herbal teas with honey. It doesn't take much sweetener, or salt for that matter, for me to notice it now. That is a good thing. I had a Belgian waffle this weekend in honor of my dads one year death anniversary, with strawberries, (skip the whip) and my stomach actually objected afterward - I felt a little sick. 

Now that I'm done, I plan on keeping up with making lunches (and better choices with dinner?), sticking more to fruits, veggies, meats/protein. It should be easy since I've done it for a while. And if it makes me stronger, and feel better, then why not!?

Another opening, another show...

Happy New Year!! Welcome 2016!

So many title ideas, and yet none seem to really fit.

I have found myself thinking about dad a lot lately, especially over the holidays. Probably too much for some people, I guess. So much of this last year revolved around taking care of business regarding dads passing; getting everyone notified, getting mom taken care of, setting up the memorial service, preparing for the trip to New York and burial.  There were races I had planned to do but deferred them because I was tied up getting things taken care of; dropped off training because I couldn't focus -  running I could walk when I needed to; cycling I could cut short, but swimming was the hardest - I'd lose my breath sometimes causing me to struggle.

As the year comes to a close, I find I am feeling better about things. I've started to get better at training, regaining focus. I'll be starting a health challenge in January - 24 days of trying to get things back on track with healthier eating.

One big push this year is trying to get mom to move closer. We're all a little unsure about doing it, but I think it would make things a little easier for all.

You know that video meme that someone put out showing a kid on a slide with a bumpy ending portraying how some started the year and ended on a bumpy note - mine was kind of the opposite - started out very bumpy, but a smoother ending.

https://youtu.be/TnXeZsrYpUA

Here is to hopes & prayers to a smoother 2016!