This has been a year of waiting. Right before Christmas last year, Gil had surgery to remove a suspect node from his neck. On January 2nd we received the news that it was positive for the second time with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Recommended treatment was several rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. We had an exchange student living with us from Norway. Danielle had already been pulled from one house, and now, after letting her know what was going on, she wanted to move again; We had to wait for a new family to be found.
1/5/13 We haven't even really started anything and I already have moments I really find it hard to keep it together. During a nap (gotta love vacation time) Gil started crying in his sleep. It was very brief, but it really bugged me. no crying...not allowed...I was strong last time, I can do this again.
I don't know how to begin to tell you what a waiting game cancer and chemo is, unless you've been there. You're always waiting...for the hair to fall out, the sickness, loss or change of appetite, appointments and tests and more appointments...but life goes on....
Before things even started, Dani & I had a small car accident, then as Gil started his chemo, his mother had a series of strokes, light problems at church abounded, I was dealing with stuff at work, lost the dog during a run, Easter, finding Dani a new family, a set back with his treatment, another month of treatments, a near mistake in Gil's treatment, the Boston marathon bombings, arranging for house sitters, birthday's...all while waiting for the next step in his treatment – moving to Tampa for a stem cell/bone marrow transplant.
Before the transplant, the Doctors told us what to expect. The booster shots to get the cells to grow; harvesting the cells; conditioning chemo; that he would get sick, what signs to look for and when to admit him to the hospital; how the worst of it will hit and last 5-7 days then it will get better. That was the hardest part – believing that once he really started getting sick, that it would be like the flip of a switch. I didn’t completely understand until things started to take place. I thought it would be 5-7 days after the transplant that things would get better – I thought, at the time, this was a breeze – but it was at 5-7 days after the transplant that he hit the wall and became really sick and was admitted to the hospital.
Everyone says it was probably for the best, that I
didn’t have to deal with the worst of it. I suppose that’s true, but it was
hard watching him be so sick and waiting for the change. But I had a peace
about it. I trusted the doctors, and I trusted God.
…the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will
guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phillippians 4:7 NRSV)
Sometimes, when we wait and pray, things don’t always go as we hope. As we waited for the transplant to take place there were so many other things that happened, so many distractions, but we had to keep our eye on what was to come. We had to know that God would see us through. While Gil was in the hospital, I tried to be patient and wait. Everyday I would go to the hospital and check his stats – “Is it today? Is there a change?”
There are so many stories in the bible of disbelief and impatience: Sarah rushed into creating an heir for Abraham, not believing she would ever actually bear a son after such a long time. A whole army had to trust in a boy to take down a giant threatening their lives. And who would believe in a virgin giving birth? Sometimes trust has to supersede our beliefs. I believe it is called faith.
No matter what happened, I knew God had a plan. I had to trust and wait.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)
Gil's body suddenly started to improve - everything did eventually happen, just like they said it would. God took care of us, just like he said he would. The doctors were, and continue to be, thrilled at his progress. We still count our blessing and thank God for the year we have had – hard times and good times. Gil is still healing, working too hard (me too, I think), and living life the best he can. In November, we had a great thanksgiving with the good news that there were no continuing signs of cancer after having his tonsil out. Things have been improving! We continue to trust in the Lord – what ever His will may be we will wait and trust in the Lord.
A HUGE thank you to all our friends & family for being there for us. You are all God's angels!!
Happy New Year - Trust in the Lord to take care of you!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own insight. (Proverbs 3:5)
“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.
When you come looking for me, you’ll find me." (Jeremiah 26:12-13) - Thanks Chris Hall!
And if I sound a little religious - after this year, can ya' blame me??
