Some days I'm just beside myself. Yesterday, our church had a family fun day. Egg hunts, bouncy house, bunny pictures, games...something we've done for the past few years. I was taking pictures, did bunny duty (as the bunny as well as became the bunny attendant), then Gil called for me. There was a problem in the sanctuary. The night before there had been a big storm and the church got struck as it often does. The house lights would work, but the stage or alter lights didn't. Everything else worked fine, but no lights up front, and our church is built without windows or natural lighting in the alter area. It is a bit of a theatrical set-up, but we are one of those churches who needs it. After a bunch of troubleshooting, unplugging & replugging, restarting....nothing. We think it's the light board.
As it was, we had one light Gil had just changed a lamp in, one at home because it wasn't working and was causing others to stop working and one of the 'smart bars' that the lights plug into.
And now this?
But it's Holy week!! We have Palm Sunday services (which went really well by candle light), Maunday Thursday dinner & play, service of darkness for Good Friday (fitting), and 3 Easter services!!
And more storms to come, and I'm not just making an allegory, that's part of life in Florida!
Plus we got turned down for financial assistance from Moffitt (darned retirement fund?) and the earlier news that changed all our plans. I hit the wall - Just shut down.
Most of the time I can distance my feeling pretty well, keep it all logical (go Spock), just keep going and get it done. Then, all it takes is a burnt dinner or something and I lose it....shut down, get pissed, or just start crying.
There is just so much going on, and so much to do, I just lose the will to do it. I still feel like I should be preparing to leave, but I know we have another 8 weeks. This week is spring break, but it's going to really throw me off come Monday April 1st...no joke, it's back to school!
One day at a time, sweet Jesus.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. ~ Isaiah 55:8
OH...just a little add on, Gil starts a new chemo on Tuesday (Acetris), and there's also a school that is ready for an install (sound equipment). YAY!?
2 comments:
Mom...sometimes I cry too!!
That's the way it goes -- you handle the big stuff, but the little stuff knocks you for a loop. That is probably a good thing. We all need to have a release valve when things get to be too much. Cut yourself some slack and let yourself go when you need to.
I know God is walking through this with you and will carry you when needed.
Kendra
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